thought « normal » and that I create my own normality, in love and respect for the other, but above all in respect for myself … Moreover, how could he look with envy when I myself did not find myself beautiful . Unfortunately at that time I was full of prejudices about my body, my scars etc … I carried on my shoulders the heavy guilt of not being like the others. But what is normal ?
Unfortunately but of course we were right up against the wall and preferred to divorce.
Throughout this time, I became even more afraid of being in a relationship, to hate my body and my scars. I had just spent 8 years of marriage where I was no longer desirable in the eyes of others so how could I be desirable in the eyes of others ?
But the story doesn’t end there, after a good fit of tears one day, I decided to never make the same mistakes again. I had to finally believe in myself and accept that the disease was part of me.
I then started a real questioning, I become master of myself and it is no longer the disease that defines me.
It’s a 180 degree turn that I do in my brain. With help, therapy and most importantly a little more self-confidence, I realized that my illness and the resulting disability is not my identity. What defines me as a whole person is a whole and not just a disease. So it was no longer a question of denying my Verneuil and my handicap but of simply integrating that it is a part of me … So obviously a part that can eat my life at times yes, but it is only temporary
From that moment on, there was a real click. I realized so many positive things around me or that concerned me such as :
• I have developed a certain sensitivity to talk about my different pathologies to others.
• I realized that if it was my partner who was sick, I would never have wondered. And of course I would find it normal to stay by his side, so why shouldn’t this person stay by your side ?
• All my medical history, my pains, my life as a whole allow me perhaps to help other patients like me and it is moreover from there that was born the account Instagram “the hectic life of”. A Verneuillette ”.
• Being affected by a pathology is in no way a shame and even if the consequences may or may not be visible, physical or moral, we have the right to happiness like everyone else.
From that moment on, I finally managed to open up to others. As if finally accepting myself can help me accept others in my life, I finally found the strength in myself to take charge.
And of course when we open up to others, yes, we always have great good surprises.
One day at the bend of an elevator, I met my other half, the one who today is part of me, my life, my daily life and who makes me a fulfilled woman.